AGE-ITIS

  A well-known actress we know is suing a major movie website because when it revealed her age, she started losing jobs.

My husband, a legendary performer, is currently being offered jobs for  dying grandpas, and great-grandpas with Alzheimer's. Why? Because his  age is more or less known, and producers  feel if you're over  sixty, you are old. (J.C. would probably do better if he gained 20 pounds  and walked with a cane.)

Picasso's haunted, sad-faced self-portrait of his older self is on the left.  There are wonderful memorable words about age in in Shakespeare's plays. In all the arts, and in life, words/words like birds, ads/fads, a-mill/a-thousand new, true, cure-you things are affecting, infecting people with AGE-itis.

It's what every one gets soon or later in little and big ways before or after a birthday....well... maybe every birthday, Guys, maybe daily, so you need to do some little and big things, even very major things NOT to get it.

Starting now, keep away from ANY food, food supplements, pills, talk shows, advisers, therapists, knowledgeable friends, counselors, TV doctors, real doctors--keep away from humans who say, "At your age you should... you shouldn't..."

ALSO, keep away from I should be earning a good living. That's deadly. Also historical summaries: At age (?) others in my field were already established. Beware of "a person my age shouldn't wear..." Beware of "a person my age can't..."

If you're trying to sell a book, play, painting, style, a concept -- trying to land a job, go to college, learn a new language, craft, skill, technology, do not think about age. Do not wonder if anyone else has tried, at your age -- to become a famous, successful, income-producing whatever... Just do it.

Watch out for age-cliches, age-rationales, age as a factor. NEVER think at my age I need a flu shot, vitamins, must keep my weight down, exercise, walk, jog. It's okay to be aware of bladder control, but why do I forget things, why didn't I hear that -- THAT will get you to conclusions about how often you need to see the doctor, the dentist, the optometrist.

See doctors if, or when you absolutely need to.

Also,  if you're registering or joining something that asks your age, lop off a large chunk of years. If you can't lie, then skip whatever it is.

A world science panel recently said "Age 90 Is the new 50.” I don't think 90 is  the new anything, but if age 90 IS the number that says you are old, think of Betty White, and Warren Buffet, and if you're  actually approaching the 80 number, don't utter, mutter, or murmur it to anyone, including yourself.

So what about celebrating your birthday. I suggest DO NOT. If you get birthday cards, get the return addresses from the envelope, and throw the cards out. You can't stop people from saying "happy birthday," but a bunch of people singing "Hap -py  B i rth- day To Y O U" should be studiously avoided.

Aging is easier if you do the things I've mentioned above, carefully, discreetly, and gracefully. If you can't lie, or avoid your loved ones, well... you will age a little -- not a lot -- if you wisely, carefully, cautiously keep eyes and ears open, keep on your toes, and steer clear of the pitfalls listed above.

Am I worried about age? Well....

No.

Not really. I just worry about getting AGE-ITIS.

(VIDEO MISSING 'GONE' PEOPLE

Emily Frankel gets John Cullum to reveal who he talks to in his mind.

HUH? WHA? WHAT?

That's me!

That's what I often look like as I watch films on our bedroom television set.

I am not sure what the actors are saying.

For instance, if leading characters are arguing -- it sounds climatic and I do hear a few words -- I find myself supplying appropriate dialogue, based on what I have gathered thus far about the story that's unfolding.

Quite often, more often than I like to admit, it bothers me -- sometimes characters whisper, or it's just bad 
pronunciation, or the actors get so deeply into what they're feeling, they don't pay attention to pronouncing words clearly -- they just let words run together.

I can't blame this on our TV set. News and commercials are clear. But it's seriously annoying. Quoting Shakespeare's Hamlet, I tell the television, "Speak the speech I pray you as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth it as many of your players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines."

The other day, in desperation, I fixed the settings on our television to display captions. The dialogue appeared in a white strip with each word easy to read. It's somewhat distracting from the story that's unfolding, but it helps.

Maybe it's just as well that I am missing dialogue -- the stuff I am not hearing is stuff I don't want to hear.

Hey, maybe, probably, the dialogue I am inventing improves the film!

Hmm.

I turned off captions.  Now, I simply murmur --

JOANNA QUAAS, 91

Joanna Quaas, ninety-one-years old, is doing what athletes one-quarter her age often struggle to do.

I'm riveted.

To do a plank, lie on a mat or floor, face down, forearms on ground, clasp hands together, squeeze muscles in buttocks, straighten your legs -- here's the basic position.

Joanna Quaas is doing an advanced plank, straightening her arms, like in a push up, sustaining it for more than a minute.  I can manage to do it the basic position for 16 seconds.

Joanna Q got her start in gymnastics at 10-years-old, but had to quit because her family moved from Saxony, East Germany to a different part of the country. When World War II erupted, she was required do a year of social service, then married. After having three children, and playing competitive handball for fun, Quaas took up gymnastics again at 57 and has continued to exercise one hour a day. She  said, “My face is old but my heart is young. Maybe the day I stop doing gymnastics is the day I die.”

Golly, that hits me -- reminds me of me, around 6-years-old, making  a pact with God to "Dance till  the day I die." Hey, I'm an ex-dancer who's earned a living and danced professionally all over the world -- nowadays, I warm up and dance every day for about 40 minutes. Do I do it beautifully...? Well, I think so -- I don't perform my dance on a stage for an audience, but I feel wonderful, like a  real dancer doing it.

Realty:  I'm a full time writer, hunched or slumping at a desk working on a computer throughout the day, except when I'm doing my dance.

Hey, we age. We can't stop aging, but being able to do what one used to do is major -- even if you can only do it more or less -- striving, trying, working to keep 'cutting the mustard' is what we have to do -- need to do -- to make aging not a bad time, but a good, interesting, okay, part of life. 

Golly, if I added a plank exercise to my daily workout,
instead of being hunched when I'm working, I might be able to attain, and even maintain a sitting-tall posture. 

Watching Joanna Quaas, a not sleek, svelte, pretty young woman, observing Joanna in the video below and in all the other videos I've watched, I delight in this older woman's sense of humor, and obvious pleasure as she performs advanced gymnastics and that incredible "plank."

No doubt about it, I'm giving  the basic "plank" a try. She inspires me.


Guys, if you're intrigued, and want to try doing a plank at home, here's a link to video: BEGINNERS Workout.