Monday, March 30, 2009


I've got an appointment, will see the Doc at 3.

It's a comfort but it's distressing, not hateful, not something to fear, but still, it looms. Will I get bad news about anything? Naw! Will I get permission to go on eating, sleeping, living, as I'm doing now? Well ... probably Yes.

When I was very sick after a car accident a long time ago I had to develop a way of handling a lot of doctor appointments. I had a list of 125 physical therapy exercises, a Physical Therapy nurse, a PT Head Doc, an Orthopod, an Endocrinologist, a Dietitian, and a GP. (Author E.F. uses her accident, a lot of this accident stuff is in "Somebody" Book II.)

The day before a Doc day, I make a list so I can arrive with an agenda. Of course I always arrive a little early, definitely on time though usually these days, you have to wait 30 to 60 minutes if you've got the kind of doctor who takes good care of each patient, addressing each patient's needs. And while I'm waiting, I'll review my mental list.

The fact is, I don't want anyone (including the Doc) telling me what I can do! Should do. Shouldn't do. Or give me permission about anything. But invariably the agenda of subjects to confront with the Doc grows in my mind while I'm waiting. It's making me quietly cranky. Don't I know more about me than anyone in the world?

The real true fact is, there's water in my left ear today. It gets there quite often, left and right ear, randomly, never both, after I shampoo. Even if I carefully don't tilt my head in the shower when I'm rinsing my hair. All day today I've been hearing a rhythmic thump. When I woke this morning, I thought maybe it was the tenant on the floor below, playing music with a persistent 4/4 beat. Nope. The rhythm has followed me. I've shaken my head, said "k" to make my ears pop. It persists. Soft. Gentle, thump thump.

While writing this, hearing it, I'm telling myself myself "Okay, ask the Doc." But, having diagnosed what it could be, dismissed it, ignored it, am thinking "You jerk, forget it!" Just now decided, NO! Decided YES!

Yes wins.

When I shampoo my hair tomorrow, I'll tilt to the left and encourage the water to head for the right ear. And deal with it tomorrow. I feel better already. It's almost time to go. I'm ready to BE and DO and THINK like me, not wait for anyone's permission, and simply deal with it tomorrow. Why? Because It's a Doc day, and a Doc day is probably why you're listening to your own thumpity-thumping heart.

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