Sunday, May 10, 2009

SEX ADS

I'm not a guy, I'm not cruising, looking to impress anyone with my sexual prowess. Is that why Viagra ads bother me?

And not just the V pill, but the others with their less memorable names. I'm somehow insulted by all of them.

Is it the TV-ated visions of moonlit evenings, the bathtub lovers -- how and when did they get the tub out there?

And the hand-holding, teasing loving couples -- pleasant normal looking actors, usually around forty something, the carefully constructed pre-foreplay dialogue? Yes, the visions and the actors annoy me like too much sticky sweet maple syrup on pancakes.

Also the guys who tell us how much they've learned about health problems
causing erectile problems -- diabetes, rheumatism, high blood pressure etcetera, all that laid out and sold to us with the not charming phrase, "after four hours ... call your doctor.

Oh really -- and who has a doctor they can reach after four hours of an undimished erection any time of the day or night? Does one head for the nearest ER?

And then there's the list of side effects to be wary of, to check immediately with your doctor -- same old list that's on just about everything -- upset stomach, heart burn, bloating, diarrhea, weight gain, constipation, sleeplessness, etcetera, etcetera ... if you feel any of those discomforts , STOP using, And CALL your poor overworked doctor's answering service who won't contact him unless it's an life and death emergency.

There aren't many things I really truly seriously hate but I hate those erectile dysfunction ads. Ads which make us AND OUR KIDS feel that you need a pill for reliable great sex, which imply even for the semi great, or not so great, that a pill is your insurance.

Okay, I'm a girl. There are rumors it helps girls. Is that what's bothering me -- I want girls to be included?

NO! We're bombarded with erectile ads from dinner time till the wee hours -- over and over and over, sex sex sex sex. I'm bugged because it's one more natural thing that's getting cockeyed, cuckoo, screwed up.

Thanks for nothing, you pill-makers! You may be helping some, but you're ruining the sense we used to have, that sex is okay, normal, instinctive, and something just about anyone can enjoy.

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