That's me, heading into the horizon.
It bothers me that no one and nothing except a few cosmetic ads get to the high wall of what's happening to us as we age.
My friend Fran, who advises me about my blog, sent me an article about new trailer parks providing homes that Baby Boomers might consider moving into as they find themselves needing a more neighborly environment -- an area with helpful people their age living nearby, and compact homes that can be maintained with less effort.
Loud first thought -- NOT FOR ME!
I am convinced that most of my neighbors have been brainwashed by present day concepts of what's important, spiritually and recreationally. Clearly, they like stuff that's the antithesis of what I feel and believe.
But yesterday, my niece phoned, delightedly reporting that she and her husband just bought a condo in an assisted living community.
Cringed? Yep, I shrunk away from the fact that what my niece joyfully rambled on about was what I ought to be thinking about also.
Stuff like picking a place without stairs, a safe place for walking, and things one can do in a condo community like joining a group that sees plays, visits museums, or works on needle-point and quilting ... Oh no, my God, no! I don't want to make a list of things to do to keep busy, but that's what my niece was doing.
BIG BIGGIE QUESTIONS: What if I'm alone? Hey, I can't think about that -- I do think about that -- I've gotta postpone thinking about who dies first.
Can I continue living in my current home with four flights of stairs, hard to open doors, locks, carpet, furniture, appliances? Oh my God, all the gizmos and utensils one uses every day that wear out, need replacement or repairs ... If there's another "Sandy?" and lights, heat goes out, no phones, no Internet, no fridge -- suppose the roof leaks, a window pane's smashed?
If I am alone, how do I handle it? Do I finish my life here, in my large home, or find a new home where help is more readily available? Who is going to help me at the end of my life? My son? Gee, he lives and works in California ...
What about hiring someone? Marta the maid? Could she be a housekeeper-nurse if I need help to stand, walk, breathe? Could Marta do all the things that one must do in order to keep a body functioning, if ... if ...?
What about funeral, cremation, money, possessions? Do I have to figure all that out right now? Can't I put it off and think about all that later?
Maybe ... probably ... Yes, yes, right now I'll just concentrate on where to live, stay here, and deal with whatever, whenever it happens.
I was a very green new leaf for quite a long time.
I became a beautiful autumn leaf, and enjoyed it for a very long time
I need an adage -- a quote from a wise person, or some philosophical something-or-other that I can chant to myself, that supports what I am now.
"Always put off for tomorrow, what you cannot do today."