Thursday, December 18, 2014

THE TWO YOU'S

When pressure is on you to do something -- start it, finish it, make a decision, confront an issue -- if you don't start, finish, decide, confront, you are immobilized.

There are two of you -- Grownup-you, and Child-you.

Grownup Em  has learned the rules, has had experiences, coped, handled, negotiated, choreographed, avoided, confronted, and accomplished many things.

Child-Em has needs, fears, impractical dreams, and expectations. She often feels quite small, vulnerable, and not very capable.

Child-Em  panics. Wants to hide, or sleep, or watch a dumb TV show.

Grownup-Em tells Child-Em what to do, or not do, and calms her by pointing her in a direction.

If you remind the child parentally -- patiently, logically, lovingly -- the child feels safer, and can even handle rather scary things. Therefore, the Grownup-you needs to guide the Child-you, into "Tackle one thing at a time."

The Grownup knows how to organize disorder into an orderly sequence of activities.

Like -- "One two, button my shoe,
Three, four, close the door,
Five, six, pick up sticks.
Seven, eight, close the gate.
NINE -- you're fine!
Ten is not the "big fat hen,"
It's just the end.

So LOVE the Child and coddle the Child,
Tell the Child in you "it's okay."
Help the Child push worries away,
Banish, make vanish all the fears --
And strongly advocate "no tears!"
The balm is being calm.
It helps the two of you
Unwind, and re-find
Peace of mind.


3 comments:

Carola said...

In my job, I had a weekly calendar. To avoid feeling overwhelmed my all the tasks I had to do, I wrote each task (however minor) on the day of the calendar which was the absolute deadline for that task. The tasks spread out that way, and my overwhelmed feeling went away. I almost always ended up doing them long before the absolute deadline.

Linda Phillips said...

Hopefully we have all found our ways of allowing our "grownup" selves to take care of our "child selves". I am trained to do it very quickly, at this stage. I recognize when I am allowing myself to feel like a "victim" and I snap out of it. Sometimes that takes a few minutes and sometimes a few days, but I do it and persevere.
In the winter of year 2000, I was an emotional mess. I was "stuck" in a world of panic! Cut to the chase. I read a book called "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukov, and months later, participated in an intensive, spiritual retreat with Gary and about 100 other souls. Ever since, I have a nightly ritual of emailing "Thoughts From the Seat of the Soul" to other, like minded people. Needless to say, all of this changed my life forever and I continue to grow constantly.
I realize that this is not for everyone, but it made me, an already strong, brave individual, into a far stronger, braver and much more enlightened, focused human being. And being a lot more spiritual, doesn't hurt either.

Cara said...

Carola, I relate to your response. Years ago I developed a terrible case of TMJ from grinding my teeth, to the point that my jaw became swollen and feverish. On a doctor's advice, I started writing down everything I needed to do and assigning it a date and priority. I then took it a step farther and limited myself to three big to-do items a day. So long as I finish the most important one, I feel satisfied. I haven't had TMJ since, and I get a lot done.

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