Friday, August 21, 2009


JD has been looking at a 2009 Mini Cooper all year. He phoned yesterday from the dealers, as he bought it. He sent us a photo of it parked in his driveway (in N. Hollywood.)

MOM EMAILED HIM ===============
Got the photos of your new car. It's GREAT looking!

Did you get the car cover? Don't economize -- with all those Mini Wheat commercials you've been doing, you can afford it!

Worrying about money is one of your worry things. You won't run out of money, and if you do -- financially, (as well as in 100,000 other ways) we are always there for you.

Hug from yr Ma -- I'm glad you bought what you wanted!

JD REPLY ================
Hey Ma -- I went on the MINI COOPER blog last night. You wouldn't believe how dangerous the environment is for a car. Apparently I have to wax and wash this thing IMMEDIATELY. I'm not sure why, but it has something to do with the wax job that dealers do to make the car look fresh. If you wax the dirt INTO the car, you'll never smile again. If a bird shits on it or a tree saps on it, the doomsday clock begins to tick as the acids eat through the coating towards the paint, where damage will ensue and you'll never smile again.

I have to learn about "claying" the car. I have to learn how to wax the car and apply special cleaners for each of the surfaces - windows, wheels, tires, paint, interior.

Yes, I bought the car cover but that was just a 200 dollar joke. And if the car is dirty when I put the cover on, the grains of dirt will come off on the cover and then the cover will grind the grit into the finish and nobody will ever smile again!

I shouldn't have converted my garage into a gym. I should maybe construct a new garage. Or find somewhere to garage the car.

And never drive it. Just "clay" it and clear-coat it continually.

I can sit inside the car but I must wear a mask, in case I sneeze and bacteria eats through the leatherette steering wheel.

We have adopted a child. I need a new therapist just for this car. Someone to help me, to talk me through this. I didn't know a man could have a baby. They can!

You can blog about this if you want.

Love, Mini Wheat

(Instruction for Em's blog readers: Click "Mini Wheat" and you'll see my favorite commercial.
Here's the link: Http: if you want to see what our-son-the-actor has been doing between readings of Shakespeare's "Richard the Second.")

MOM REPLY=====================
Dear Mini,
I'm not able to stop laffing -- got to use your "HOWL" in a blog!

What you read in the MINI COOPER blog is what I was told by the pro car washer who came to our log cabin to wash, wax, and point my Acura Legend. All the scary stuff you learned about dirt ruining the metal , this pro PROVED TO ME, showing me three places where the metal was already showing signs of serious damage.

So naturally I never called him back. We washed and waxed it ourselves.

Well, my dear Mini Wheat. here's Mama's not-mini advice. Treat it the way you have been treating your previous cars. Cars wear out, and so do people, and this car will be a big wearer outer. You do not have to keep it pure. It is yours; it can lose its virginity.

I'm still chuckling over "having a baby would have been easier." Let the fucker wear out, and if birds shit, or life doo-doos on it, so what? Life shits, and does doo-doo on you, while good things are happening!

Love from the Maxi- Mama who bore the Mini-Wheat.

JD UPDATE======================
I got the windows tinted for $275 and there are already some imperfections in the tint. There's a small scratch in the window glass on the rear. A couple of paint chips on the front of the car, one of the wheels has a small scratch. The big news: I'm not in love with driving it right now. It's cramped, the controls are very confusing, I can't seem to get comfortable (my old Legend is much more comfortable). Also, it rides on "run-flat" tires which are very hard. I could spend $2500 to get new tires but then there's no spare with the car, so I'd be in a major hassle if I got a flat... Oh well. It's kind of funny to me that I wanted the car so badly and now I'm kind of disenchanted with it. It looks very cute, though. The gas mileage is good and the acceleration is terrific.
More later...

I PHONED a few minutes ago and said -- "You're going to love the very things that are making you uncomfortable, annoyed, disenchanted. Motherly Advice: When you get up, every morning for a week, throw a pebble at it. And take it for a drive around the block."

1 comment:

Carola said...

The Mini-Wheats are truly a hoot. I will show them to Dick. Also, I loved your correspondence with JD. He writes very well--hmmm I wonder who he inherited that from.