Tuesday, June 2, 2009

INCONSISTENCIES

I give myself a blue ribbon for being able to handle a bunch of jobs and responsibilities that keep changing. Like helping my man keep his appointments, be on time, ready, willing, and able to do the job.

JC can be an absent-minded professor. I can't.

Because I don't have a go-to-work job with regular hours, I rarely take a day off. I cook and clean (too fast) and do the ordinary things of running a household -- but mostly -- I write.

If you write, you've got to have your mind free and able to focus on an idea. So I like to have -- no, I've GOT TO HAVE -- a schedule, an objective for the day. Especially lately. When who I am, and where I think I'm heading keeps changing.

Okay! I'm flexible! I give myself awards for handling ups and downs, for turning a nothing day into a something. At this moment, for instance, I don't know what I'm writing about, or why. I started this post a week ago. It's a nice word, and I felt I was acting a little nutty!

I say I need a schedule, and spur of the moment, throw out my schedule. Make a new construct, justify an utterly changed routine. Is that good? Bad? Am I praising myself, because I create logical reasons? Not only do I change my mind about where I'm going, I reverse directions.

Hey, if necessary, I'll tell a white lie. Later, I'll admit it's a falsehood. Even when it's awkward, and upsets the other guy, I can be bluntly truthful. Or just plain simply matter-of-fact, honest.

Do I get a gold star? Or are medals stripped from me (by me, the giver or stripper)? It's a fact. I do this! Praise myself, applaud myself! Scold myself, berate myself for being inconsistent!

It even annoys me, that my inconsistencies bother JC, who's Mr. Inconsistent himself.

(Wait ... I'm trying to think of someone who is always reliably predictable ... can't think of anyone. Maybe inconsistency is the way to go, and the other side is boring and dull, not human and friendly, with a sense of humor?)

Can you count on me? If we made a deal, you can. Absolutely. If you need help, and call me, will I help? I will! Write me a letter, send me an email, and I will always always answer. Almost immediately. So you can count on me -- for consistency despite my inconsistencies.

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