NEW DEADLY DISEASE

"SIDEFF" Pronounce it in a whisper.

Send a telegram to God above -- "Please protect us poor humans from this mounting, invisible, deadly, pandemic panic of SIDEFF.

Did our forefathers have echoing in their heads what's echoing in our heads?

. . . diarrhea, nausea, headache, rheumatic pain, aching elbows, knees, ankles, fingers, muscle weakness, swelling anywhere, stomach pains, heartburn, difficulty swallowing, shortness of breath, dizziness, weight gain, incontinence, constipation, asthma, sleeplessness, depression . . .

We know the words, the elements, the dire possibilities, we hear it, see it, it's sung, chanted after every medicine's major, absolutely essential importance is explained, touted, laid onto us like water and sunshine -- YOU NEED IT! GET YOUR DOCTOR TO PRESCRIBE IT FOR YOU!

Ah, those exquisitely produced, shot, edited commercials, those perfect seconds of sensible, logical proof, that YOUR alertness, YOUR awareness, YOUR sensitivity, YOUR knowledgeable recognition of SIDEFF, will maybe save your life, add years in which vigilant, educated worrying will be a natural part of your life.

Yes, this is a warning from Dr. Em:
SIDEFF is a contagious disease. There's no cure on the horizon. We've all got it. We're certain our elders know about it. We're teaching it to our children, so that they'll pass it on to their children -- yikes -- the poor dears will be dealing with the side effects of SIDEFF.