Tuesday, September 15, 2009
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR EVIL THOUGHTS
Evil? Like murderous, violent? That's not me!!!
Revengeful? um... well ... ?
Do I hark back to old wounds, long gone days? Sure, but I'm very careful about the past. When I remember past grievances, I may make a few subtle remarks, but quickly, before a discussion develops, I change the subject.
So, why does a grumbling remark come to mind when JC leaves a light on when I've asked him umpteen times to turn that light off?
Why do I have to empty the wastebasket in the bedroom next to his dresser -- can't he do it? And the carpet on the step, dammit, it needs to be re-glued. Why hasn't he noticed it and fixed it?
Why didn't he notice the new purple shirt I'm wearing today?
He leaves his desk so cluttered -- there's no place to put the important mail HE needs to deal with -- why do I have to handle the money things? Wasn't he working on a masters degree in finance, before he left the University of Tennessee to become an actor?
His treadmill -- I don't use it -- when he's jogging, he turns the TV on the roller table at an angle so he can watch TV. Never turns it back so that I can see the TV when I'm stretching!
If I don't hang up his green towel, it won't get hung up! And wasn't yesterday garbage day -- how come he didn't take it down? He doesn't answer the phone till it rings three times -- why do I have to answer it first?
I showed him this list a minute ago, and said, "Tell me your grumbles about me -- it'll be an interesting post."
He laughed and said, "Oh no, no thanks."
I said, "Why not? The grumbles of a long-time married couple will be fun!"
"Gee, I can't think of any grumbles," said JC (smiling as he said it).
Fibber! He has grumbles -- he can't stand my changing the channel on the TV, clicking away -- I'm a speed reader/watcher -- I see what shows are on faster than he can, and just as he's settling in to watch, I click on something else.
At four p.m. when I peek at "Judge Judy" (though lately I've been too busy), and nowadays that's the time he wants to check on the sports channels. And then, when I've changed into practice clothes and I'm ready to take my barre -- that's when he asks, "What are we going to have for supper?"
I always say "I can't think about that now," in a slightly snotty tone, when the fact is I can think about it ... actually, it's a help if I tell him what to take out of the freezer ...
He's got "actoritis" right now, what all actors get, no matter how successful they are, when they're unemployed for more than a week. He's restless, trying to get started on a new idea for a musical. He enjoys writing lyrics. and loves creating music on the computer. (See my 6/15 post, "Beethoven Rooms at my House.)
This is a guy who claims he's not sure how to do the updates from Microsoft (so I do it for him, and take care of his temp files), but he handles an advanced, professional music writing program that is more complicated than anything I'm doing on my computer.
Dammit, he ought to take care of his own temp files!
Why doesn't he complain about me not going to the movies with him, and not going out to dinner with him and his manager?
What are these nasty, sort of evil thoughts of mine? They're silly, domestic things that don't mean very much to me. His grumbles (that he barely expresses), are things that he'd like done differently, that have to do with recreation, but ... okay, all right -- so, he's a nice guy and I'm nasty sometimes, but he likes me, loves me, adjusts to my quirks and smiles at my grumbles -- in fact -- right now he's in the studio tuning in the sports.
Maybe that's why we get along together so well. Now that I've expressed a bunch of trivial nothings -- I'll take my barre and well ... I do peek at the sports. Then I'll head upstairs to cook him a super special Chinese Hawaiian dinner.