Wednesday, June 30, 2010


What would I do if I were you, Betty White?

I'm thinking that your next career move ought to be --

Lights up on you doing a little dance, loose, relaxed, sort of like what Bill Cosby did ...

Start with you shimmying around, feet doing the Suzy-Q, then shimmy your shoulders -- do a step kick, step kick, and talk-sing, just for few seconds, with ... maybe a great performer like Danny Kaye.

Now, with the camera on you, while you are moving in a hefty-looking chair (the job usually done by a stage-hand), this is what you say:

BETTY: "Here I am -- they say I'm Hollywood's white hot new It girl -- everyone knows my face from 'Golden Girls,' or has seen me as the Aunty., Granny, or Nanny, in one of the many, many -- " (You're interrupted.)

BARBARA WALTERS VOICE: "You've done 94 TV shows, Betty White, 20 films. (Barbara appears, and settles herself on the chair that Betty's positioned.) And right now you're delighting audiences in the sitcom "Hot in Cleveland" -- you're playing 'Elka,' the house-keeper for Valerie Bertinelli and two of her friends."

BETTY: "Barbara Walter is one of my guests today."

(Improvising, a bit clumsily but deliberately avoiding her age -- she's 7 years younger than you -- you ask Barbara how she's doing, mentioning her recent heart surgery.)

(As Barbara W. speaks, you move in another hefty-looking chair.)

GUEST VOICE : "Oh no! Please, Miss Betty, I can do that -- let me do that!"

Mylie Cyrus, about 70 years your junior, sits in the second hefty-chair. As you greet her you move in a 3rd chair for yourself.

The three of you discuss getting ready to do a show -- hair, shampoos, makeup for street-wear, for TV, for strong lights -- the cruel camera, brand names for moisturizers, liquid makeup, pancake, lipsticks, powders, and where you do your makeup -- what kind of mirrors, and lights. You mention problems -- weight, exercises, dieting, relaxing -- and a serious concern for performers -- getting a good night's sleep with or without medication, when you're so busy.

And that's it -- the cue for "Balling the Jack" -- talk-singing, moving with the music, inviting your guests to join you. You announce the guests for your next show -- suggesting you might be talking about clothes and what to wear on various occasions. The lights fade to black.

Your next show guests could be Susan Sarandon, age 63, and Bridget Mendler, 17, an up-and-coming new Disney star.

All of the older or younger show biz "names," more and more of them, have been appearing on the entertainment shows every day, every evening. They need exposure, and audiences love hearing and seeing them, learning more about their personal lives -- especially their trauma-dramas.

Producers, sponsors will grab The Betty White Show -- it's a hey-day for advertisers. Men, women, older and younger -- practically everyone I know -- worries about growing older, and staying in shape.

Betty, you are fascinating because of your age, and all the things you've done, and what you're doing now.

Betty White, this is a show we need!
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