Friday, December 9, 2011

FROM MY WINDOW


Good days, bad days -- days when things seem bright colored and hopeful, other days when things are fading, and people that mean something to you are leaving the earth, and things you count on have disappeared..

You would think that by now, having experienced the ups and downs, seen how things change, I would be able to nod and say, "This is normal. This is life. C'mon, Em, you know that every day you live is one day gone from your life."

Why can't I banish the fact that things you love have to die?

Favorite things wear out. Green leaves turn brown, crinkle, fall from the tree to be blown by the wind, or swept into a pile that's burned or buried. The blue gold pretty petal of fire on candle melts the wax, burns out and it's gone. A day begins as the sun rises and ends as the sun goes down.

A dear friend died. I knew she was ill but didn't know she was, dying. Her well-known husband died a few months ago. A few days ago, when her secretary phoned to tell me she'd left the earth, I thought the phone call was about the luncheon tribute for her husband. Now the tribute will be for both of them.

Is that why from my window the world seems to be withering and crumpling -- wars, politics, poverty, corruption -- a sense of gray, and no solutions pervade my thoughts?

Even so, I do find solutions -- my work's going well, our home is clean, comfortable, and running well.

Ho ho -- looking out my window is telling me to look inside my house -- see the colors, enjoy the small doings --what's light, bright, and clean in my office, in all my rooms. Be the woman in Picasso's picture.

My home sweet home reminds me that growing old is something NOT to dwell on. Yes, you have to glance at realty, and see what you see, but you have to move on.

My friend is no longer alive and what I see out my window is gray and dark. But if I turn around, what's outside my window is behind me -- oh yes, I can feel my grief and miss my friend, but inside is the world I made, that I can see and be in.

Ho ho! Now is the time to enjoy NOW.
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