WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Rod B., the impeached ex-Gov of Illinois, continues to seek jobs, stardom, tons of money, stature, with his hair blown-dry, poufed-up and sprayed. Last time I saw him, he was selling pistachios on TV. Well, maybe Rod B will convince the semi-retired Connie Chung to make another comeback, with him in the guest seat, and I'll have to remember how to spell Bla go jev ich.

Joe Wilson, the GOP congressman from South Carolina, who shouted out during President Obama's health care address, "You lie!" (after Obama said the plan will not cover illegal immigrants) -- he's still around. Oh goody -- I'm braced for more rude Joe-ery as the house tries to repeal, re-write, ruin and re-invent Health Care.

Ex Governor Mark Sanford, of South Carolina -- he's still weepy, blabbing about that Argentinean lady, philosophizing about love, planning on writing a book. Alas, we're not done hearing from him.


What about Michael Steele, ex-Republican National Committee chairman, who's informed us about the RNC's nifty-neat plans for Health Care, handling the war, and solving terrorism? Will the high-profile Steele be helping or hindering the low-profile new Chairman, Reince Priebus? (How do you pronounce his name?)

Adam Lambert, the sexy, indefatigable, almost-American Idol, who's head-to-toe, gorgeous -- will he be knocking us out with his bump and grinding, his teasing, seducing everyone/anyone gay or straight? We'll be seeing him turned on, ON all the channels --no way will this hunk quit!

Hey, with shouting congressmen, sinful and impeached governors, the RNC tearing down this and that, and probably a few headlines about John Edward's woes, Spitzer's wrangles on CNNand the latest bed-hopping stars, sexy Lambert, the-almost-idol is tame relaxation, while a hopped-up Paula Abdul with her Live to Dance Show vies with Randy J. and J Lo to recreate a new wowing, wonderful American Idol Show.

U-hoo Simon Cowell, if your new show doesn't work, don't be a jerk! Come back -- give the new Idol another whack. We NEED the Cowell scowl.

GWYNETH PALTROW

Whew! I just finished reading a really nasty, negative, full-length, mean article on Oscar-winning Gwyneth Paltrow, and her Website, Goop.com, where Paltrow chats about the many-many things she's doing. At the end of the piece, the critic said, "Her lifestyle -- guru identity, combined with the cookbook that's coming out in April, suggests Paltrow aspires to be an object to emulate, an Oprah with an Oscar."

Do I love Gwyneth? NO. She's never been a lovable. vulnerable movie-heroine. She's not a "sweetheart " type. And gee, she's too gorgeous! She's had -- golly -- all the big breaks and great roles to play, which she plays well, opposite star-type leading men.

The critic reluctantly gave Paltrow's legs "those legs!" an exclamation point, definitely a rave, and told us -- in a put-down tone -- at 38, mother of two kids, Gwyneth can still wear short-shorts "with 2 inch in-seams," (buttocks showing). And proceeded to attack Paltrow for the pop singing she's been doing lately in skin-tight jeans.

Hey, it's a free country -- Paltrow's smart, bracing herself for when she hits her forties, and the phone rings much less often.

I think the critic is jealous, in the way that most women are jealous of a gorgeous, famous actress. Actually, it was fun reading the put-down -- it helped me (temporarily), not think about how I'd look in short-shorts and skin-tight jeans.

CHENEY BACK IN THE NEWS

The slender ailing Cheney is back to expressing his learned opinions.

Oy Vey!

Yes, I feel sorry for him, because he has to live with the fact that he hasn't got a lot of busy, productive years ahead of him -- that he isn't going to go down in history as a great vice president, or humanitarian, or knowledgeable authority on administrative affairs.

In fact, he's got a lot of critics down on him -- the half truths and lies, the contractual commitments that made him richer and the country poorer, commitments that the country is still paying for financially and spiritually-- for instance Halliburton and water-boarding.

I feel sorry for us because Cheney puts poison in the air that's already laden with emissions and ...

I am not going to list what I think are the Cheney environmental and global poisons. It's only polishing the memories of what Cheney promoted, or ignored, or dismissed as nonsense, or encouraged -- ugly words, ugly politics, that right now are slowing up stymieing, tainting, and inspiring fear, horror, and criminal behavior ... just about everywhere.

All I can say is, Mr. Cheney, we don't need you, don't want to see you, or hear you, or get your opinions about anything. Please, do us all a big favor -- deal with your exercise, your doctors, your pump, your family, your place on the Heart transplant list, and shut up.

BIBLE BALLADS (video)

John Cullum is taken aback when Emily asks him what he is doing with his project, "Bible Ballads." He can't concentrate on it, he's been working on a benefit for Burton Lane, and learning music for a workshop.

Emily Frankel presses him to sing just a bit of "In The Beginning"-- a song he's been working on as the opening number for his bible project. But John doesn't want to even begin to try. He starts into another song -- stops and shrugs it off.

The Cullums finish the session, but Emily begs John, and downstairs in his office, Emily films John singing his opening song.