THINKING ABOUT "IT"

There's a booming bestseller -- ."A Billion Wicked Thoughts."

In the picture, note the pink bubbles, and blue bubbles, (pink for girls, blue for boys). Zoom in and you'll see more and more bubbles exploding, propagating symbolically. They're graphically emphasizing the billion bits of erotic info that you, the reader, can find when you're online -- articles, facts, sex toys, fun devices, pretty pictures, dirty pictures, big-size/little-size graphic grotesqueries, plus how-to-do-it, get-it, feel it advice, and links to the links.

(In the olden days, [19 years ago], how did we manage to survive before there were hyperlinks connecting us to zones of knowledge we didn't know existed?)

Anyway, along with this book selling like hot cakes, there's a new group of PhD, MD authorities, who are ready, willing, and more than able to advise, support, chat, and reassure you that you mustn't worry or feel guilty, you are normal, not abnormal.

"A Billion Wicked Thoughts" offers 416 pages, by two PhD guys, Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. (I gotta say, the author's names don't look or sound real.)

Real of not, the authors proudly state that what turns us on has not been studied since Alfred Kinsey studied it the 50's. They say that a male's physical and psychological desire is generally simultaneous, and specifically focused on the physical attributes of another person; females are more complex -- when aroused physically, females are not necessarily psychologically, or emotionally aroused, which often motivates women to fake.

(Hmm, is this a revelation? Isn't this more less what I've heard before?)

The authors state that they've analyzed a billion web searches, a million web sites, a million erotic videos, a million erotic stories, millions of personal ads, and tens of thousands of digitized romance novels. Their "ground-breaking findings will profoundly alter the way you think about the sexual relationships of women and men."

No doubt about it, it's a fascinating concept that will educate us about the words. phrases, and spur-of-the-moment questions on the minds of our friends, neighbors, and strangers, while they're playing with their latest, fanciest, electronic toys.

But is it ground breaking? I search online every day, often throughout the day, when I'm preparing a post for my blog. I've looked up "vajajay," and "vajazzle" after a star talked about decorating herself down there. I've searched pain-panties, masturbation, tattoos, piercing, contraceptives -- read opinions, shocking jabbers about Tiger Woods, Elliot Spitzer, Mel Gibson, Sandra Bullock, Jesse James and whew, so many ex spouses, lovers; the hot doings of folks in sports, literature, art, theater, fashion -- a ton of stuff about who did what to whom, when, where and how -- I've already got wicked bubbles galore!

I can't help wondering about my umpteen searches (easily a hundred-thousand searches a week), and how they affected the computer-coded billion wicked thoughts.

I can see how numbers, percentages, on who-looked-up-what would affect advertisers, but gee ... I'm not really dying to know (or hungry or curious) to find out what other people looked up, learned, observed, enjoyed, or got sexed up over.

Hey, "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" might wham-pop-pop you out of the olden days into better, freer, less inhibited, sex fun right now.

Click search. Buy a copy and see!

SMELL OF FIFTY

Stave Martin said, "They smell 50 in this town."

This exceptionally talented, successful man was commenting on a Hollywood, USA fact of life: around 48, you are already on your way over the hill.

The "HILL?" Yep! When you have a career, you are on your way up a hill. If you get to the top, it's a nice level plateau. You can stay there for a while though you are still sort of climbing. At some point, though it feels the same, the going up is going down.

Steve Martin is one of my very favorite performers. He's a do-everything person -- actor, comedian, writer, playwright, producer, banjo player, pianist, dancer, composer, juggler -- "wild crazy guy"-- that's the name Steve gave himself years ago, and the name stuck.

With the Emmy, Grammy, American Comedy, and "Lifetime Achievement awards, he has fans, fame, and a name thoughout the world. And he has made a lot of money.

I love the guy. He's in his middle sixties, working, or looking for his next major project.

No, I'm not writing a Steve Martin tribute or a bio. But it's in my head -- visions of him -- things he's said and done in various films -- his wise, sardonic, never nasty, never mean sense of humor. I guess I love him because his attitude toward the realities of life in America fits with mine.

I want there to be more plays, more movies, albums, books, DVD's -- more Steve Martin projects. I don't want to think of him as over the hill. He's attractive and vital -- he still dances and cavorts like a young guy, but producers aren't going to invest in him. They smell 50.

I doubt that Steve Martin will be hosting the Academy Awards again, though maybe he'll be in a play on Broadway -- probably not. Broadway needs hot names and Steve Martin isn't hot anymore.

Why can't we be like the Asians, who revere their elders? Why can't we stand back, bow, respect, and, yes, idolize them-- hug onto them, knowing that their wisdom is gold. All the layers that make our elders what they are, are precious.

I never had the power and glory, the name and fame of Steve Martin. But I know what he is. I know from all my projects, dreams, things I've done -- from taking so many dreams/ideas/fantasies, from the flickering inner glow of "oh-my-goodness-wouldn't-that-be-fun-to-try," that I've never been richer, more capable -- that Steve has never been richer, more capable of invention than now.

But Steve has got to back off from NOW -- from what wins, and becomes the big smash hit. A kid starting up the hill has a better chance to win because he lives in NOW.

What he needs to do is shut the door on the concept of success in bestseller-dom, top of the charts, top box office. It messes you up. Even tucked away behind a new idea, it's poison.

How do I know? I know from how it has corrupted and distracted me. The Asian-elder-wiser Em is saying the more you create, the more you need to do and be, purely, what you are.
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FIXING BAD LAWS

A recent article in Newsweek, "Dear Congress, Government Is Broken, These Guys Can fix it," hit me like a ton of bricks.

Our government has seemed broken -- Congress stymied, stuck -- doing nothing for months. It's haunting me!

I blinked at the article -- legal stuff isn't my cup of tea. It looked as if it required heavy-duty, concentrated reading. The first item -- patents -- seems kind of dull and not very significant, but I skimmed the list and got a sense of the 20 bad laws and what needed to be fixed.

The 20 laws had nothing to do with our stuck congress and the "no-no" Republicans, so I turned the page, but some of the items stuck in mind. The idea that out-of-date laws are keeping our courts too busy, messing up a lot of lives, annoys me. And it sounded as the problems could be solved.

The author, Philip K. Howard, kept mentioning common sense. Howard, age 63, has written, studied, lectured, and been published in all the well-known publications. He testified in Congress about the need for common sense in our laws. He sounds like a non-partisan surveyor, and an expert in what's wrong with our government. And common sense -- oh boy -- that's what we need right now in Congress, and that's what he's pushing.

Apparently a lot of laws that don't work are obsolete, and need to be updated, or discarded like debris.

With common sense echoing, I've mulled over the list.
1. Neutralize frivolous patent claims. (Okay, I figure too many are inventors patenting stuff that's already been patented.)
2. Create medical malpractice courts. (Okay, for handling frivolous claims -- it would help our doctors.)
3. Fix civil service so that ratings are based on merit. (That sounds fair -- maybe more unemployed people could get civil service jobs .)
4. Fix school lunches. (Apparently by spending six cents more per meal, the government would save money -- be spending less on health issues for overweight kids. Hey, that sounds important!)
5. Streamline entrepreneurial paper-work, and make starting a business easier. (Good idea -- my husband and I have started more than two dozen projects that required lawyers and endless paperwork to get going.)
6. Eliminate "seniority" as a criterion for promotion in education. ( Yes, that will enable the hiring of young teachers.)
7. Modernize shipping requirements.
8. Increase the visa (passport) cap, so we can import top talent.
9. Give preference to wireless technology. (Booming Cell phones and tablets businesses need it.).
10. Consolidate financial regulators. (Apparently there are too many on the payroll -- money and time are being wasted by regulators arguing over who's handling the turf.)
11. Update accounting, so that pensions are based on current figures.
12. Update regulations on teacher hiring so they're based on achievement, not education.
13. Permit more tourist visa wavers so workers can't stay longer in the country.
14. Establish business start-up "ombudsman" -- i.e., legal advisers to help.
15. Ease import-export documentation.

(Most of this wouldn't affect me personally, but if the government is moving along, if red tape stuff and unnecessary paper work is reduced, my "common sense" says it will affect Congress.)

16. End mortgage deductions that benefit wealthy home owners.
17. Permit U.S. firms to compete with foreign firms who ignore our labor laws.
18. Establish "360 degree" education accountability, hiring the best teachers. (Schools and teachers are going to be helped by fixing the bad laws on this list.)
19. Break up the big banks that are making bad investments.
20. Ban foreign "intellectual property" pirates.

Philip Howard, the common sense king, says the government's got a giant junkyard of laws and regulations. He's thinks we need, urgently, a general "sunset" law, so that laws with budgets would automatically expire every 10 years, unless the law is re-enacted, or reviewed. Then, at least, these regulations would be current. Right now they're dusty, and creating unsolvable problems, wasting time, costing the government, and us, the taxpayers, money.

Well, mull over the list, and if it makes sense to you, pass it on to your neighbors. Got a dust buster? Having mulled this over, my common sense tells me to plug in my dust buster, blow this dust around, and make plenty of noise about fixing bad laws, before the big house-cleaning day in 2012.