INVENTING A NEW ARNOLD SWARTZENEGGER

My favorite "Arnold" was in the movie, "Twins," where diminutive Danny DeVito and bulky, big Arnold were searching for their mom. The Terminator guy didn't thrill me, but I loved Arnold -- the look of him and his sense of humor -- in that movie.

The former Governor of California, trailed by paparazzi, was in London for Gorbachev's 80th birthday celebration at Albert Hall, a super gala hosted by Sharon Stone and Kevin Spacey. The party was crammed with distinguished people, but I'll bet Arnold was the star attraction.

Chatting about his future, with Newsweek reporter, Andrew Testa, as if they were dear old friends, Arnold explained he was having fun flying around Europe, seeing the sights, and job hunting, figuring the "Hunters," (big time major CEO's), would find him.

And they do, Testa reported, describing how their interview was being interrupted -- everyone seemed to want Arnold's autograph for their kids and grand children.

Arnold said, "AT 63, I can do anything. I feel terrific about where I am in my life, when I look back at what I’ve accomplished. But I feel shitty when I look at myself in the mirror.”

(Yep -- the five-time Mr. Universe, seven-time Mr. Olympia. the winner of the annual International Bodybuilding competition; Conan the Barbarian, and the Terminator, was musing about aging the way many of us are doing nowadays, though in my opinion he looks great. And I love the pictures of him and Maria Shiver, his wife of 25 years. mother of their four kids -- though I miss her as a television commentator -- they are a great looking couple.

The suntanned, strapping Arnold, who's very frank about his body, told the Newsweek reporter that he's 6'1 now, no longer 6'2, and his 31' waist and 57' chest are currently an average guy's 36' waist, 40' chest. He also admitted that his reddish-brown hair was maintained by a Beverly Hills salon, and complained about his crow's feet, and the fatty folds around his strong jaw.

So, what's next -- an autobiography? More movies -- I can't see him playing dads, uncles, or granddads.-- not after his journey from Austrian bodybuilder, action hero to Governor of California -- this guy's been in the news politically, full-time for seven years.

Arnold himself has said he will be working with the United Nations and his global climate projects, supporting the Special Olympics, and his annual bodybuilding and sports convention in Ohio, while continuing to work on Immigration reform.

Meanwhile, he's heading to Cannes to receive the Légion D’honneur, and hype his new TV show at a TV buyers’ convention -- it's an animated kids’ series titled the "Governator," that will debut along with a comic book, video-game, toys, t-shirts, and toothbrushes bearing his cartoon likeness. And of course he'll be meeting producers who may have other interesting jobs, but I think Arnold Swartzenegger wants more -- much, much more -- than another movie/money-making gig.

Just the other day The Daily Mirror, UK, reported (quoting one of Arnold's personal associates), "Swartzenegger may be running for the Presidency of the European Union, after the current president of the 27-nation bloc steps down."

We've heard, more than a few times, that if it were constitutionally possible, Arnold would have run for president, and President of the EU would be an appropriate challenge, but I can't help thinking how marvelous it would be, if the vitality of this Republican hero-guy was put to work by the Democrats.

In an MSNBC interview the day after he became an ex-governor, (see below), Arnold said, "If the Obama administration tapped me, I am available for environmental things -- or if they can use my talent, my personality, my star power. I will be happy to help in any way possible."

Hooray! I second the motion! Immigration -- maybe Obama power plus Swatzenegger power can overhaul the mess, the confusion in our current immigration laws.

PAIN PANTIES

"Pain Numbing Panties" are sold in this vending machine.

Huh? My mind races. Why? What for?

For pre-menstrual pains? Down there? But cramps don't happen down there do they? Pain from peeing? For Pre-Sex -- for Post-Sex discomfort?

Who would need it? Honeymooners?

Is there something new going on that I never heard about or experienced? In a flash I'm remembering when my sisters told twelve-year-old me about "the curse" -- how stunned I was -- did this sort of thing happen to ALL FEMALES? Why didn't somebody warn me? Were there other awful, unendurable, shocking, .revelations ahead for me when I reached 16, or the old age of 21?

Last week, reading about "Pain Panties," it didn't occur to me that it was related to grown up females and bikini waxing. Okay, I've seen "Sex In The City." Yes, I've read about women getting shaved regularly down there for various purposes -- I read graphic details about it in Rona Jaffe's best seller novels. I wore "French-cut" trunks, leotards with the leg openings cut up very, very high -- they made your legs look longer. French-cut panties are sold in the panty department, along with bikini strings and thongs.

Well, GOOGLE educated me.

Anesthesiologist Dr. Edna Ma has developed an underwear and numbing cream set for women who know how brutal bikini waxing can be. The kit keeps the area down there numb for 30 minutes to an hour and costs $25.

Bare Ease uses a 4% Lidocaine cream. (It’s used in hospitals for numbing skin before inserting IV’s, in dermatologists' offices, before laser procedures, and in tattoo parlors.) You smear the contents of the single-use tube of cream over the area 30 minutes prior to your treatment, don the pink disposable undies -- the anesthetic effect lasts 30 minutes to one hour.

Hmm. It's sort of like a new fact of life that may live in my mind for maybe 22-and-a-half minutes that's already anesthetizing away as I pass on this semi-silly-shock to you females or males who might find it useful.

DO YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER?

This picture is a collection of facts, by Lauren Streib, from "Scientific Research" published on the Data Beast page, of "NewsBeast."

Though some say the magazine is going downhill, it's giving me uphill information -- it's chock full of specifics. Right off the bat, it tells us that being female is a big advantage. Therefore, if you're a male, gather the factors -- you can live longer if you adapt, convert to some of these womanly ways.

"YOU ARE FEMALE" -- Okay, I am.

"SEVENTH-DAY-ADVENTIST" -- My Jewish background negates longevity a little, but I'm mostly irreligious -- maybe that's helpful?

"YOUR MOTHER WAS 26 OR YOUNGER WHEN YOU WERE BORN" -- Mom lied about her age, I'm not sure how old she was.

"YOU LIVE IN AN AREA WITH LITTLE POLLUTION." -- Hooray, there are no smoke stack industries in the Chelsea section of Manhattan where I live.

"YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH DAILY" -- Yes -- twice a day -- maybe that give me extra longevity points.

"YOU STARTED FORMAL SCHOOLING AT AGE 6" -- Yes (at 5), does that gives me extra points?.

"YOU LIVE IN A RIGHT WING DICTATORSHIP" -- Right now, the Republicans are definitely a right wing dictatorship. That's sort of hopeful news about the bad politics going on these days.

"YOU ARE COMMITTED TO YOUR WORK." -- Definitely yes! I'm sure I get double points on that!

"YOU DRINK AT LEAST TWO CUPS OF TEA A DAY," (Coffee, so probably I'm getting the requisite caffeine.)

"YOU EAT 25% TO 30% FEWER CALORIES THAN THE RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE." -- Yep! That's me!

"YOU DON'T DRINK SODA OR EAT PROCESSED FOODS THAT CONTAIN PHOSPHATE." -- That's more or less me.

"YOU ARE A FAN OF EXERCISE BUT DON'T OVER EXERCISE." -- Yes! .

"YOU EAT A MEDITERRANEAN DIET." -- um -- (Googled it) -- yep, I'm eating a Mediterranean diet.

"YOU HAVE YOUR OVARIES" -- Yep.

"YOU ARE AN OPTIMIST." -- Most of the time.

"YOU HAVE THE LONGEVITY GENETIC MARKERS THAT MAY COUNTER GENES FOR ALZHEIMER'S, CANCER, AND OTHER AGE RELATED DISEASES." -- Mom lived till her mid-nineties so probably my genes are okay.

Hey, it's good news! Give it a try -- you might be climbing uphill as you answer these questions.

NOWHERE IN A VAST SPACE

I've been reading about a guy in what can be a scarily empty vast field -- Chinese artist, Ai Weiwei -- the big praise in a London Gallery for his "100 Million Porcelain Seeds." And Ai Weiwei's disappeared, maybe in a detention center somewhere, because he publicly denounced the 2008 Beijing Olympics as propaganda.

Ai Weiwei's art -- bronze replicas, animal heads -- will be on display outside Central Park nest month. He's got 78,000 followers on Twitter. He says that he asks questions through objects he creates. Communist China's officials do not like questions.

Weiwei's disappearance has focused international attention on the current bout of repression in China.

That photo is of a guy arranging leaflets for a one of Ai Weiwei's canceled exhibits. My blog's supporting or putting down this and that -- bashing Beck, Trump, and silly shoe styles, worrying about Muslims, please-and-thank you civilities, Oprah , fracking, etc. -- sometimes I feel like the guy in that empty field arranging leaflets for an exhibit that people can't-won't-don't attend.

But Aii Weiwei's famous for coming back, each time he's been criticized -- his criticisms of Communist China can be heard louder now that he can't be heard at all.

Maybe my ideas won't be noticed or make any difference, or change what people say or do, but the subjects I've written about are in the air, and that breeds thoughts -- breeds words that impel some kind of action -- so nowhere is ... well, it's more or less somewhere, isn't it?

MILEY CYRUS IS EIGHTEEN

In case you don't know who she is, Miley Cyrus is a "Disney" television series star, who has become very famous.

I watched a film clip of Miley Cyyus, as she was leaving the 1011 Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards , just after her fans voted and chose her as their favorite actress.

It was Miley's sixth win of this award, since she debuted as "Hannah Montana," a Disney series, back in 2006. In the show, Miley played a 15-year- old, who was living a secret double-life as a teen pop star.

After last year's awards show, Miley wept. This year, she swept out grandly in a high-fashion gown, while hundreds of her fans reached up, hoping just to touch her or her skirt.

What I saw on the film clip (attached below), got my professional, show-biz adviser brain sparking -- yelling, "Hey Miley, for Godssake -- you're playing Hannah Montana in real life! The way you said, 'duh' and 'awesome' -- there was boredom, and a brush 'em off condescension in your facial expressions and tone.

Yesterday I saw photos of you showing off your new tattoo -- number five -- and read about the "just breathe" tattoo inked on your rib, the word "love" inside your ear, a tiny heart on your right hand, and I remember the furor, the scandal when Vanity Fair published a topless-looking photo of you, though you swore you weren't topless.

Yes, you're too "old" to continue being a "teen star," but why not share this with your audiences? Throw away Hannah Montana. And share an aspect of the real, sometimes tremulous, sometimes not confident you, with us.

The word for what's missing is "vulnerability." It's sad, that at eighteen, you are already too grown up to let us see or hear what makes you vulnerable.

You've recorded hit albums, singles, been in a movie, performed in huge venues, have millions of fans, been nominated 71 times, and won 59 awards. At the end of this month, you are embarking on a world tour that you've named, "My Gypsy Heart Tour."

I know you're hoping that the songs that you wrote, songs you've created, will launch you, and establish you as a star for adult audiences all over the world -- not just for teens. That's a very big undertaking, -- it will take a lot of courage to let your "Gypsy Heart" take the stage night after night, and express who Miley Cyrus has become.

Leave Hannah Montana home, Miley. As this clip, and other film clips show, you don't need her.

BOO FOR BUSH THE ELDER

Early this morning, I started reading about George Herbert Walker Bush, the father of George Walker.

I picked this picture -- "I know what I'm doing," says the look of the elder Bush in his starched, neat, white shirt.

Yes, he was the 41st president and his son was number 43, and that's quite an accomplishment for a family that's not a political dynasty, though the potential has been mentioned.

Using various writer's techniques -- research, concentrated thought, and the stream-of-conscious words that float into my mind .-- I keep bumping into IRAN-CONTRA, RON REAGAN, DAN QUAYLE, OLIVER NORTH, NORIEGA and COVER UP.
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I find myself picturing Barbara Bush -- her stern face. She has always made me feel sorry for her husband -- to me she looks more like a grandma than a wife.

And whoosh -- thoughts about son George, our 43rd president's wars, and the omnipresent Cheney, who worked for Daddy -- the lies, wrong laws, the endless list of wrong things son George's administration did that we are still paying for.

We are stuck with Republican Boehner fronting a House of Representative that's accomplishing nothing -- no laws, no new legislation -- just a presentation by Republican Senator Ryan of his plan for repealing health care, for reducing the size of government. and paying off the national debt that could negatively affect the lives of 70% of our population.

And so we have blame news. naming this guy or that guy, but blaming President Obama, for not doing something, NOT being decisive. NOT getting something done, though everything Obama says, does, or suggests gets a NO from the Republicans, as per their plan to stop Obama from winning a second term.
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The main reason I don't like George the elder is because he fathered Georg W. Also, he fathered Jeb, and on and off over the years, Bush 41 has smiled proudly, beneficently, at the whispers about a political dynasty, (while I cringe).

The IRAN CONTRA COVER UP did involve President Reagan, but we'll never know how, or to what extent. The scandal ended with 14 people indicted, including then-Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger -- 11 convictions resulted, some of which were vacated on appeal. The rest of those indicted (or convicted), were all pardoned in the final days of George H. W. Bush's presidency. Some, who were convicted of felonies, and subsequently pardoned, later became members of the administration of our43rd President, George W. Bush.

And Congress is hell bent on paying off a debt that was created by the elder's son George 's tax abatements for the wealthy, which include Goerge H.W. Bush, his son George, and the omnipresent Dick Cheney. (Though experts agree that cutting the tax abatements and renegotiating the repayment of the interest on the debt could pay off the debt.)

My fingers freeze. (I'm having trouble writing about this.) Obama awarded Bush 41 the Medal of freedom, praising Bush’s humility and decency; his career of service that spanned seven decades, saying, “We celebrate an extraordinary life of service and of sacrifice. This is a gentleman, inspiring citizens to become points of light in service to others.”

Bush wiped his eyes. Barbara sat proudly with Michelle. George,43 smiled. Jeb Bush tweeted: “Just left White House where the President honored my dad with the medal of freedom. Wow!”

If I could, I'd take away the medal -- I feel we are paying for the elder Bush, our 41st President's mistakes, that were compounded our 43rd president, his son.
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SWIVEL SWEEPER WOES (video)

Swivel sweepers don't work -- that's what Em feels. Em feels all the appliances they've bought in the past few years -- appliances that guaranteed to make housework, easier, faster, more efficient -- DON'T REALLY WORK THE WAY THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO.

Why? Because they are batteried. And no matter how you cherish the tool, watch over it, clean it, and carefully recharge the battery -- the battery wears down.

The Cullums' two Swivel Sweepers -- even the one with a new battery -- is not doing as well as John's old-fashioned, Pullman porter's sweeper. It's like a Bissel Carpet sweeper -- an 8 x 8 inch square, easy to push back and forth -- John bought it from a stagehand, who used it to clean the stage at the St. James Theater every night.