GO TIGER GO!

"Go, Tigers Go!" was a cheer that I once shouted at a football game.

I recently read a one-page article in Newsweek that Tiger Woods wrote. It's about how he's redefined "victory." I was moved by it, not because of what the article said, but his courage -- Tiger wants people to know what he thinks about what he did.

I feel if the media hadn't grabbed T.W's story, and inspired the girls he slept with to tell their tales, he might have been able to salvage his marriage and family.

I feel that we, the hungry-for-dirt public, made salvaging his marriage impossible. Before you moan oh Em, you are wrong, let me explain.

I think -- despite the body blows and the ugly revelations -- the words, the doings, the pile upon pile of lies, that were rammed, pounded into the head of his wife -- one can recover. It's possible to re-find the essential, powerful connections of family -- the kids the couple made together -- the things they shared that made the love that produced the children. It's possible to recreate a marriage.

Yes, I know, you probably don't agree. I can see the expression on the faces of most people who read this, who cry NEVER! You are certain that if a spouse, man or woman is unfaithful, that's it -- that's the end!

I'm not talking about right and wrong, or religious convictions, or vows. I'm talking about the hand-me-down ideas that burn a pathway, a sequence of thoughts in your mind, and brand the idea that a marriage or a love cannot survive and rise above, in fact, thrive -- truly thrive -- when a spouse plays around (screws around, or whatever you want to call it), -- when one-half of the relationship fails, and seriously wounds, hurts the other.

Faithful/unfaithful, like sin, like screwing around are words. Do away with the words. and deal with the moment of the present. The bruised, aching, shocked person, and the wrong-doer -- how, why, what --what actually did the wrong doer do? What was the compelling element? Was it lust, a sexual need? Or an example set by someone else?

(Remember, the playing of a winning golf game was taught to Tiger by a beloved father married to Tiger's mom, and that taught the young boy what love and marriage were.)

Whatever the reasons, we are heightening everything that has to do with sex drive, one's appetite, what's sexy, sexual techniques. gratification, frequency -- the importance of hot sex, wild sex, spur-of-the-moment sex -- and yet we condemn a person who's hooked on it.

With Tiger Woods we have a winner, with many years ahead of him, where he can inspire us all to do and be the best.

Maybe someone helped Tiger write the article for Newsweek. Maybe he wrote it by himself. Read it, and try to unclench your fist; loosen your convictions that he's a bad man. Cheer him on and it may help you, as well as him.

Here' what he wrote in Newsweek: "How I Have Redefined Victory."

MARRIAGE (video)

Because there's such a hullabaloo about marriage, now that Prince William of England has announced that he and Kate Middleton, his girlfriend of eight years, are getting married, everyone is talking about "marriage."

Some are loudly proclaiming that people aren't marrying -- that marriage isn't necessary any more.

Emily thinks it's because the times have changed, the sense of morality has changed, and the benefits of legal marriage are less.

John wonders what the numbers are -- how many young people get married, how many don't. Emily doesn't want to discuss numbers. She is just glad that John married her, and John says the kind of thing the Cullums often say to each other, letting Emily know that he is very glad he's married to her.

PLEASE & THANK YOU

Do you say please and thank you?

Or do you raise your voice and answer the recorded questioner impatiently, finding yourself getting angry with the voice?

Are you ever rude. when you've been put on hold and then, put on hold again by the phone company, or TV cable people?

Do you ever lose your temper, I mean, get really angry -- snarky with a sing-song, snotty voice that's just a voice, not the management -- it's just a not-very-bright underling telling you no one can help you with your problem?

I did a blog, 5/15/09, praising myself out loud, hoping my blog readers could learn from Em's politeness-principles, how to reach out to people.

I said:
I mean it when I say 'thanks,' or 'glad to meet you,' or 'I appreciate your help.'

I wrote:
I usually make small conversation -- 'your diction's good' -- 'you seem to know all the answers to my questions' -- 'have you been working here for long?' Or if person's hard to understand -- 'what country are you in? India? The Philippines?'

I explained:
I always thank the techies. And try to express my appreciation in a spur of the moment, fun way. Making contact with strangers in rooms in other parts of the world I'll probably never see, -- it's a way of spreading kindness, friendship and PEACE all over the world.

Yep, the idea of making contact with strangers seemed important.

Uh huh ... Yay for me! But nowadays I'm impatient. I am not exactly rude but I sire ain't bending over backwards to be friendly, cheery.

I've got too many things that require fixing, updating, repairing, or replacing. And dammit, the phone people/the helpers seem incompetent.

And I'm not cheerful. I feel not good about the state of the world, about people in faraway countries. I sense that no one in the world these days, is comfortable, safe, secure -- disease is rampant, new wars are imminent and we're already fighting two, and people I like are changing.

Even the ones who aren't race-prejudiced are turning against the President because there's a general trend -- to question, not to trust, to double-think each major or minor everything -- should we switch to nuclear energy? should we find a way to punish Korea before Korea turns into another Iran, which is vaguely like Iraq ? All this to spread democracy in those two countries plus Afghanistan, that doesn't work for them?

Yay, Democ's okay, but gee, I don't like the stodgy faces of the Repubs -- the new old guys sitting in the seats in congress -- over-fed, semi-rich-men spouting theories so cluttered with cliches that it's just lumpy, cheesy residue clogging my ear.

Hey! Okay! I am done with this tirade!

I am going to smile, not frown! I am going to say please and thank you and speak in calm, nice-lady polite, thoughtful , friendly-lady tones to delivery guys, help lines, and my dear old friends.

Uh oh ... It sounds like a New Year's Resolution ...

Well, if it is, I won't let it melt away, disappear, as resolutions do. Gonna keep that smile string around my finger no matter what. I'll accomplish more that way!

JOB HUNTING SECRETS

Be an actor. "Play" self confidence. It's in your entrance -- the size of your stride. The stride needs to be compatible with your height.

Take in the room boldly.

Sit down if you're asked to have seat. Glance at the indicated chair, and sit unhurriedly. Relax (not slumping), letting your arms fall across your lap with your hands relaxed. If it's an armchair, use it with tensionless arms and hands.

If you're standing, don't try to relax by hugging yourself, or tilting your head. Stand tall, You can lightly clasp your hands, not tightly or with prayerful palms. If you have pockets, put a hand in a pocket, or use both pockets. One pocket however, gives you a better, more confident look.

(I do not recommend standing tall, with your arms hanging at your sides. Even if you are an actor in a play, and your director directs you to let your arms hang, it is very difficult to do.)

"Psychology Science Magazine," in a recent article titled "Feeling Timid and Powerless," said, "In the animal kingdom, the alphas often convey their dominant status through posture. They rise to their full height, stick out their chests and in a bird's case, for instance, fan their tail feathers, all to take up as much space as possible and establish their powerful presence. The weaker omegas, on the other hand, bow down low, tucking in their limbs and tails and signaling their submission."

(Take a look at yourself -- are you reading this crunched down, with your limbs and tail signaling relaxation, or submission?)

In the current issue, Dr. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist who coauthored the study "Power Posing," said, "Power positions -- like putting your palms down on a table while standing, reclining in a chair with your hands behind your head and your feet on the table -- won't make you the next Donald Trump. But a power position can foster a frisson of fortitude in which the poser experiences a spike in testosterone and lower levels of cortisol, creating an optimal hormonal balance that leads to a sense of more power and a desire to take risks."

Readers, cortisol is your stress hormone; no matter what gender you are, your testosterone can spike. Try it, and see for yourself.

As I'm typing this, I have a pencil in my teeth -- I read in the magazine, that with a pencil in your teeth, (it forces your face muscles into a smile), you will feel happier. I do feel happier.

Send me a message with a pencil in your teeth, and check it out. Then, smiling, tuck the pencil behind your ear, and practice the power positions.