Wednesday, June 20, 2012


The TV talkers are having a ball, expressing their opinions about SHADES OF GREY, the book by British housewife, E L James. They're explaining why the author's detailed sexual fantasies are being devoured by readers.

I have also been reading, blinking my way through various well-written articles by critics who have been to Harvard or Princeton, or attended both.

I guess, if you want people to pay attention to your opinion, a degree from H. or P. is essential.

In my opinion, the sex scenes in E L Jame's best seller are not very interesting or arousing. I blogged about "Shades of Grey" a few weeks ago.
Click and skim BEST SELLER DREAMS. There are sex scenes in each of my six novels and, of course, I've had best seller dreams about each of them.

Anyhow, I've heard quite a few TV talkers say that women -- especially those who have become bosses -- want to be overpowered in the bedroom: -- that being spanked, and many of the other sadomasochistic "painful pleasure" things in Shades of Grey" are part of this trend -- that being abused is also part of the fantasy life of the average working woman.

Huh? When did this happen? Last time I tuned into the trend, women were enjoying being boldly passionate and aggressive. Where have I been?

I can't help thinking that someone used the word "trend," and someone else heard the word and used it, and now it is used constantly by the media, advertisers, book sellers and publishers. They make money on sexy books -- they rake in millions when a best seller is turned into a block buster film.

When you see an ad for food on TV -- a plate of food prettily arranged, does it make you hungry? Do you head for the refrigerator? Maybe you do. I don't.

Remember "Fear Factor?" When the contestants were put in glass tanks filled with tarantulas, snakes, or roaches, or asked to eat cow gonads, or worms -- it was shocking and quite fascinating, but it got to be predictably horrifying, as well as sickening. I stopped watching.

When you hear that a movie has explicit scenes -- it's been banned in some states or it's selling out in other states, do you go and see it? Maybe -- it certainly arouses one's curiosity. Actually, I am not a fan of porn, but on IMBD, perusing the list of the hundred famous "adult" films -- many of the titles were familiar. Even so , I personally have only seen one film that was on the list.

Of course I haven't been to Harvard or Princeton, or done very kooky things, experimented with food, drugs, sex or sky diving. So what do I know?

Hey, if the shoe fits ...?

Have you tried being punished beaten, spanked, tied up, abused, and forced into intercourse? I haven't -- I don't want to go with the flow of a sex fad -- I don't want to pretend to be an old-fashioned, virgin.

What about you?

Take a look! *
(clip from "Secretary, " starring James Spader.


james said...

I don't enjoy doing or being the victim of such practices, but it is curious how many female authored S&M books are out there: Story of O, and 100 strokes of the brush leap to mind.

I'd guess this is roughly parallel to male fantasies about lesbians: a strong undercurrent, with a noticable chunk of the population interested.

timetraveler said...

"Secretary" of my favorite movies! The reason it is my favorite has very little to do with the subject matter, but all to do with the performances by James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal.

I'm with you...those who are saying this is what women in general want to happen in real life are probably men who feel threatened by women. Personally I surely do not want to be hit or humiliated! What I do believe is that many women have sexual fantasies revolving around forced intercourse, but that probably is due to our puritanical upbringing concerning sex. Someplace in our psyche we are convinced that we shouldn't want intercourse (good girls don't have sex), and certainly shouldn't enjoy it, so the thoughts of it being forced upon women allows us to freely experience the joys of the act without giving up our desire to be "good girls". The popularity of the books reflects this puritanical need of mentally being taken in order to enjoy normal sex with a partner or solo.

Anonymous said...

There's always some new trend, some new hot topic. Yet everything is as old as the sun.
Shades of Grey doesn't interest me enough to even go to amazon and read a sample.
I've read enough books in probably all genres to have covered what SOG has to say.
But if it makes you happy, go for it. Kudos to the writer.
Louise Sorensen louise3anne@twitter

Peggy Bechko said...

Wherever you've been, I've been there with you... huh? Fads don't phase me much. I just prefer to be me - and that doesn't sound like it's for me.

Anonymous said...

Interesting blog today Em. I haven't read this new book about SHADES OF GRAY. I have heard alot about it. Personally, I think ther bedfoom scenes are meant to be seductive and private, some sex is fine in a book, but make it special, not sadistic. Just my belief. kam

Poet_Carl_Watts said...

You have a very sane viewpoint.

Perversion maybe popular but it's still perversion. Brutality to obtain pleasure is insane. Hence went the Roman empire.

Women should be treated with dignity and respect. And so should men.

Linda Phillips said...

I'm with you Em. Totally! No, no, no and no!

Louise said...

I am with you Em. I just don't get anything that degrades, disempowers or uses another person. The greatest joy is in lifting someone up into a richer life and a richer experience and seeing them bloom into all they can be. Doing life together with respect and love---that is the greatest way to a good relationship in or out of bed.

Maureen Jacobs said...

What you do in your bedroom, stays in your bedroom.

I personally think that it is wonderful that these types of books, movies, etc are available. But, what I do in my bedroom is me and my partner's (or partners, wink, wink ) business. Of course, I am a married and faithful wife.

But to ban, or look upon this type of literature with disdain is simply ludacris.

My mom, when alive, liked to listen to Howard Stern. She simply turned it off when it did not agree with her. So those naysayers of 50 Shades of Grey, I say... Don't read the book.

Peter Slidell said...

I should begin by saying that I don't like to discuss sex unless I'm talking with a woman with whom I'm about to have sex. When you talk about it the magic goes away. Having said that, I will add that I enjoy well-crafted erotic scenes in fiction. If they are woven into the plot properly, it makes the story much more tantalizing.

Maybe one reason women like the violence and other weird stuff with sex is that their own lives are so far removed from anything real. I would guess that a lot of these women bosses you mention and their sex partner of the moment have job descriptions that are so vague, they could never in hell give their kid an understandable answer when he asks, "What do you do at work, Momma?" Kids can understand an answer like, "I build houses, I sell shoes, I raise cattle, or I'm a fisherman."

In summary I will add that a lot of the supposedly adult males I see on the streets today remind me of a kid who's looking for his lost skateboard. They'd defecate in their baggy britches if they had to deal with a real man…and their female sex partners wouldn't need any whips if a real man was in the room.

The times they are a changing'.

Sudhin Choksey said...

I am not aware of women wanting brutality in the bedrooms. I have read about it but i thought its a fantasy of fiction of an author or moviemaker.

In my personal belief, i think that true rommance and love heightens into a beautiful love making which gives a supreme feeling of pleasure and contentment.

I wonder what sort of men and women would love brutality in the bedroom; even we do not see similar acts in the animal kingdom.