The Cullums talk about what do when bad things happen -- seriously bad events that have to do with life and death.
As usual, they find themselves agreeing. It's difficult to say words like "dead," or to name the terminal illness, or mention what the bad event was. Even so, sometimes reality affirms and gives the mourner comfort.
They both feel that a realistic talk enables you to gather yourself, adjust and move on.
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I've been thinking about these sorts of issues too - must be the time of year. Just finished a novel set in the summer before World War I. I wonder who was better off: the people who thought nothing bad could happen and were in for a huge shock, or the people who felt foreshadowings of terrible changes in their lives and were dreading that.
For me my first reaction is to call or email everyone that I am close to. I need to get it out and share. I get comfort in hearing what my friends say.
Then I spend a bit of time alone grieving.
Finally, I reach out to people again. Sometimes even new people.
I did that 2 years ago when I lost my two closest cousins about 6 weeks apart. I ultimately joined Facebook and it gave me a whole new set of people to communicate with. I could be funny and I could talk and share with others. I found all kinds of new people and reconnected with some that I had not spoken with in years. It really did it for me.
I think that when things happen in your life that are life changing and associated with loss, you never fully get over or move on! I think that if it was traumatic or tragic, you will go on with your life and keep a clear head after the initial shock...then simply put it aside. But, if something happens later, it may resurface. I think that John was right, you need to greive and feel your pain, that will make you heal. But, wounds never fully close.
Recently, I was given some very bad news about a close friend of mine, who is 33 and dying in hospice care. We've been so open and up front about her illness, that now in these final stages we maintain that honesty. I've never dealt with anything quite like this, so I chose that things be "status quo" - we'll share banter, laughs and jokes, but there's no covering up or sweetening the facts. It is what is and she's facing her death with a grace that I am just in awe of.
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