Wednesday, January 31, 2018


All the women pictured in this issue, called "THE SILENCE BREAKERS," have been praised for telling how and when they were abused by powerful men.

Yes, they are brave. It took courage to reveal the details -- sexual specifics of what was done to them. And now there are shocking, detailed revelations from more than 100 young girls who were molested, abused by the former USA gymnastics team doctor, and sports physician for Michigan State University.

We're into the first phase of a revolution that may change the way children are brought up, and will affect our culture. But there is an element in what happened to the women on the cover of Time Magazine, the MSU gymnasts, as well as the Me Too women all in white at the Grammys, that is not being mentioned.

Being a woman, I know how I was taught from day one of my life to be female, be like my mother,  her mother, grandma and all the mothers before her -- to be sugar and spice and everything nice. To be sweet, charming, cute, sexy-seductive-lovable, in behavior, clothes, language -- in all the ways a baby, little girl, young lady, grownup lady, woman should be whatever she does, whatever career she chooses. It relates to why the gymnasts at Michigan State University didn't tell about the abuse for many years.

Your femininity helps get you to the next level and next -- get more help, more attention from the coach and other experts -- it gets you into meetings with powerfully important men and women who can help you be more successful. The women, and young girls who have been abused got themselves into a situation with an abuser because they needed something from the abuser.

And the abusers, the men, even MSU's sports physician, who've been taught, trained, conditioned by our culture from infancy as snips and snails, and puppy dog tails, into needing to do what they did -- that is not being mentioned either.

Hopefully, the thousands of things that shape us -- especially movies, television, music, and commerce-related ads -- what "Victoria's Secrets" sells us, what we buy, love to wear, and try to be -- will change.

It's starting to happen. It could change how males and females need to behave if we change the sugar and spice aspects of femininity, the puppy dog elements of masculinity, and become truthful, straight forward in pursuing our dreams, needs, and goals.

I showed this to my husband. He said, "Don't publish this, A lot of people are going to be offended by this."  If you're offended, I'm sorry but its what I perceive as the truth.


Carola said...

I'm not offended. When I was a young woman I certainly dressed and behaved to display my femininity. That said, when I was a child and an adolescent I suffered some bad experiences, which were not provoked by how I dressed or behaved.

Juss said...

I don't know if this is what John meant, but I agree with him that this may offend some — because it's balanced, or at least you try to be. In stressful times and in service of the cause of the day, old ideas come up, like, "you're either with us or against us" and "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" (meaning OUR idea of what the solution or problem may be). Some people program themselves, or are emotionally volatile, so that if you don't agree wholeheartedly with (often inflammatory) rhetoric, or back them up in every way, then they are prepared to turn on you as an enemy and traitor, and denounce you as disloyal to the cause.
I don't think you've expressed anything very radical, but then, by NOT doing that, maybe some people might feel that you are being TOO radical—by being moderate, and not as extreme as they feel is called for by their ire and emotional response.
In the end it's usually best to be most true to ourselves and our innermost, true-north guides, as best we can. I think you're trying to do that.

Linda Vee Sado of Slippery When Wet said...

This is such a huge mess. I don't know what to think. But men were flashing me when I was 7 years old on up. Even friends dad's used to pull that stuff. But some do put themselves in a bad position too and some of those dresses looked like something hookers would wear at these awards shows. I guess it all needs to be taken on a case by case situation. And men are just programmed to procreate and some don't or won't control themselves. But like any sexual abuse. It's more about power over someone. I guess why even the elderly are raped in nursing homes. It's a disturbing subject for sure. But not a reason to not discuss it and hide it in the closet. That is probably the gist of the problem right there. No one said anything

Gary Alan Henson said...

It's ok, Em. Having an opinion and expressing it is ok by me. I do agree that how we're raised has a lot to do with our perception of 'normal' life. But basic right and wrong was also taught. It seems to me that most of the problems resulted from parents who decided to let the world raise their children rather than put in the effort to do it themselves. I hope that girls continue to be taught that they are sugar and spice and everything nice. And I hope that boys are taught to respect and love the girls they meet in life.
Thanks, Em.